Which is a pretty big call if the bride is a commoner about to become royalty and, indeed, a future Queen.
With 2 billion people around the world watching the whole thing. In HD.
So what was Princess Beatrice thinking, hmmm? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for stretching one's avant garde muscles - my formative years were all about wearing the kookiest New Romantic get-ups I could wiggle into, to the quiet despair of my elegant Mum - but I do have some doubts about the outfits Beatrice and Eugenie sported at the royal wedding.
Photo by Dan Kitwood/Getty Images Europe
Philip Treacy is a genius and a national treasure and makes the most wondrous hat confections I've ever laid eyes on. But, honestly, Beatrice's bonnet looks like a plaster moulding prised off the ceiling of the throne room at Buckingham Palace, upon which poor Phil accidentally spilled his morning latte from the Starbucks around the corner. But hat choice aside, for me it's all about the colour. Or lack thereof.
Redheads have to be careful about colour, being mostly pale and wan-looking (I speak from personal experience). Nude tones in particular can leave a redhead looking at best like a sepia photo or, at worst, like a corpse.
Photo courtesy of Now magazine
A rather splendid row of teeth and stormy panda eyes are the only distinguishable features in a frumpy sea of cafe au lait-tinged high-necked rouleau-swamped matronly Valentino far more suited to her grandmother's style. Which is unfortunate because she's an attractive girl with a beautiful mane of hair. Ten points for chutzpah, but aim for colour to complement your titian gorgeousness! As she did on the cover of Tatler. Stunning. The defense rests.
Photo courtesy of Tatler
And there's Eugenie, going hammer and tongs in the opposite direction, in an explosion of colour-drenched Vivienne Westwood (another of my favourite envelope-pushing designers). It takes some pluck to wear Westwood so, again, ten points, but whoever styled her may need to take a test to determine if he/she is technically blind, as this choice of ensemble suggests.
The optical illusion of a neckline is one of the most effective ways to change a person's proportions, adding length and losing mass without the need for Weight Watchers or a pair of crippling Jimmy Choo's. Square necklines are the trickiest to wear unless you closely resemble a twig. Eugenie has a lot of curve going on, and plentiful boobage and square necklines are not happy companions. That hard horizontal line takes her chest to acreage proportions. And adding three fussy bows to one's front when one's front doesn't require any further attention-seeking behaviour...
And whilst I personally love the beautifully-executed sculptural cut of Westwood's designs, one really needs to be six foot two and/or somewhat willowy to cope with the volume of sculptured shapes. This outfit cuts her in half and the draped skirt stopping abruptly at the knees widens her hip department disproportionally. It doesn't mean she can't wear Westwood, she just needs to wear Westwood like the one she wore for Tatler (this mag definitely knows how to style these girls...)
Photo courtesy of Tatler
When in doubt, wear a dress. All one colour. Keep the eye on the vertical and diagonal lines. Wow.
The new Duchess of Cambridge, by the way, looked superlatively beautiful. Flawless. Perfection.
Sarah Burton, I bow and scrape before you.
With 2 billion people around the world watching the whole thing. In HD.
So what was Princess Beatrice thinking, hmmm? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for stretching one's avant garde muscles - my formative years were all about wearing the kookiest New Romantic get-ups I could wiggle into, to the quiet despair of my elegant Mum - but I do have some doubts about the outfits Beatrice and Eugenie sported at the royal wedding.
Philip Treacy is a genius and a national treasure and makes the most wondrous hat confections I've ever laid eyes on. But, honestly, Beatrice's bonnet looks like a plaster moulding prised off the ceiling of the throne room at Buckingham Palace, upon which poor Phil accidentally spilled his morning latte from the Starbucks around the corner. But hat choice aside, for me it's all about the colour. Or lack thereof.
Redheads have to be careful about colour, being mostly pale and wan-looking (I speak from personal experience). Nude tones in particular can leave a redhead looking at best like a sepia photo or, at worst, like a corpse.
A rather splendid row of teeth and stormy panda eyes are the only distinguishable features in a frumpy sea of cafe au lait-tinged high-necked rouleau-swamped matronly Valentino far more suited to her grandmother's style. Which is unfortunate because she's an attractive girl with a beautiful mane of hair. Ten points for chutzpah, but aim for colour to complement your titian gorgeousness! As she did on the cover of Tatler. Stunning. The defense rests.
And there's Eugenie, going hammer and tongs in the opposite direction, in an explosion of colour-drenched Vivienne Westwood (another of my favourite envelope-pushing designers). It takes some pluck to wear Westwood so, again, ten points, but whoever styled her may need to take a test to determine if he/she is technically blind, as this choice of ensemble suggests.
The optical illusion of a neckline is one of the most effective ways to change a person's proportions, adding length and losing mass without the need for Weight Watchers or a pair of crippling Jimmy Choo's. Square necklines are the trickiest to wear unless you closely resemble a twig. Eugenie has a lot of curve going on, and plentiful boobage and square necklines are not happy companions. That hard horizontal line takes her chest to acreage proportions. And adding three fussy bows to one's front when one's front doesn't require any further attention-seeking behaviour...
And whilst I personally love the beautifully-executed sculptural cut of Westwood's designs, one really needs to be six foot two and/or somewhat willowy to cope with the volume of sculptured shapes. This outfit cuts her in half and the draped skirt stopping abruptly at the knees widens her hip department disproportionally. It doesn't mean she can't wear Westwood, she just needs to wear Westwood like the one she wore for Tatler (this mag definitely knows how to style these girls...)
When in doubt, wear a dress. All one colour. Keep the eye on the vertical and diagonal lines. Wow.
The new Duchess of Cambridge, by the way, looked superlatively beautiful. Flawless. Perfection.
Sarah Burton, I bow and scrape before you.
